Goblin Life Coach
For goblins.
Not for everyone.
Some people are just more goblin.
Fairies are lovely. Pixies are great.
Elves are alright. Dwarves are rad.
They can keep their clean, well-lit rooms.
This room is dark and it's made of dirt, and it's for goblins.
What this is, and what it isn't.
Informed by Internal Family Systems℠ and somatic, body-based practices. It is not about being less of a goblin. Not to heal your goblin. Not to fix your goblin. To help goblins be goblins — and get what they need.
Not tidied. Not tamed.
Fully met — goblin to goblin.
What a goblin might come for.
- More freedom — the feral kind.
- More aliveness with teeth.
- More of what you actually scheme toward.
- More rest — the unashamed kind.
- More onions.
How it works.
Book a session.
Take one of the few open slots.
Pay when you book — one session at a time.
Do a session.
Online, about an hour, goblin to goblin.
You don't have to pretend you're not a goblin.
Go forth and goblin.
No packages, no strings.
Come back when you want to.
Meet Eric.
I'm Eric. I'm a Certified Goblin Life Coach.
I work with a small number of goblins at a time, online. I'm not here to make you more presentable. I'm here to join you in the swamp and help you see what you actually need. Then to get it. Like an adorable fucking goblin.
Certified by the Goblin Coaching Institute.
$250 a session
A few slots open at a time.
No packages, no subscriptions.
If money is the only thing in the way, write to me — no story needed.
Questions goblins ask.
Is this real?
Yes. The sessions are real, the practice is real, and the price is real. Whether you're a goblin is the one part only you can answer.
What is a goblin?
It's a way of being — closer to the ground, less interested in being palatable, more interested in what's real. A self you've kept underground because you were told to. Goblins usually know; if you're asking, you might be one who hasn't said it out loud yet.
Is this therapy?
No. This is not therapy, and I am not your therapist. The work is informed by Internal Family Systems℠ and Somatic Experiencing®, but it is coaching — for goblins. I'm not a certified IFS or Somatic Experiencing practitioner. If you need therapy, please find a therapist. That work matters, and it isn't this.
What happens in a session?
We meet online for about an hour. You bring whatever you've got that day. We go slowly, we pay attention to the body, and we make room for all of you — including the parts that scrombe, grombel, gnash their teeth, stamp their feet, howl in glee, and cavort.
What if I'm not sure I'm a goblin?
That's allowed. If something here spoke to you, come anyway. We'll find out together.
Onions?
Onions are welcome.